Cyber chat online with old men

Also people who have anxious attachments, feel insecure and need others to validate them.People are committing CI without defining it as such.

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I was approached by Ashley Madison (AM) to do research.

After they launched their controversial website in South Africa in July 2012, my therapy room filled up with women identifying as “happily married”, who had joined AM out of curiosity and to their huge surprise they were having so much fun chatting, cyberflirting and even meeting offline for IRL sex... My therapy room also filled up with couples who were caught out on AM or Grinder and were traumatized by the discovery.

This creates a new form of communication as we are forced to use more descriptive language to express emotions and thoughts if we want to be understood.

This is helpful for people who struggle to be expressive face to face.

Due to the fact that they are mostly online, people deny infidelity saying ”It's not like I’m having sex or anything”, since we traditionally used to associate infidelity with in real-life sexual contact.

What we now know is that these online emotional and sexual connections feel as real, if not more real than in real life relationships and thus when discovered cause enormous pain to a partner.

Definitions of CI must be determined by each one – for example, if I like an ex’s post on Facebook, is that cheating? Social media has got us to question our traditional values of monogamy, commitment and sexual fidelity…

and that’s a really confusing and important conundrum for people right now.

Which is why discovering your partner chatting online feels so devastating – you discover written words that he/she has never spoken to you, sexual activities and fantasies not shared with you and that’s besides the pain of discovering explicit selfies.

Social media forces couples to have conversations that they have not had before – discussions around privacy versus secrecy around their devices.

I also set up a website – which I encouraged people to post their cyber secrets. I then administered 5 surveys into the AM database – I got response from over 660,000 men and women, in 5 different countries, including South Africa.

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