dating and peronals - Tips dating new man
I’ve had women tell me to chastise men to start following through more, to stop being so nice if they’re not ready for a relationship, to promise to call after having sex.
I hear you, and I agree that men could stand to do hundreds of things better to improve your relationships.
You have an amazing evening, filled with easy conversation and laughter. You close the restaurant, end with a goodnight kiss, and a promise to do this again soon. In fact, you do a little more than that, but hold a little bit back. He says good night and tells you he’ll call the next day. As a result of this wishful thinking, Sandy was as hurt by this man’s simple email as she would have been if they’d been dating and broken up. She could have that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and lose sleep over how she’s going to replace him. As a result, Sandy wasn’t “losing” anything; she never had anything to lose. It’s not that Sandy was wrong to look at all the available signs and conclude that she had special connection with a special guy.
It’s the difference in feeling between losing a million dollars (devastating) vs.
the feeling of NOT winning the lottery at all when you had 4 numbers (mildly irritating). When the contract is signed, the ink is dry, and you know, without a doubt, that your dating prospect has become your BOYFRIEND.
This is what’s going to pay off with a serious relationship in the long run. I did get caught once or twice building air castles, but the sooner that can be nipped in the bud, the better.
So, when my now-fiance announced pretty early on that he wanted to be my boyfriend, I was in a state of very pleasant shock.
You see a picture, you read a profile, and you start to get excited. Suddenly, you’re flirting like crazy, eagerly anticipating his every response. You know that dates are rarely as promising as the buildup. By the second week, the cute guy had already written to her. ) Soon, they were bantering back and forth multiple times a day, and he started to plot their first date. When the cute guy Googled Sandy’s hometown, he was surprised to learn that she lived 3 hours away.
There’s wit, there’s sexual innuendo, there’s instant talk about making plans. But, sure enough, when he shows up, he’s as cute as his picture. You play mini-golf and grab two rounds of drinks at a nearby bar, after which you go back to your place and make out on the couch for an hour. He knew he didn’t want to get into a long-distance relationship, and so, instead of trekking to go on a first date, he emailed Sandy to apologize and wish her well in her search for love. Even though she’d only exchanged a few emails, she’d gotten excited about this cute, successful, articulate, enthusiastic man. She started to dream about this man saving her from a life of loneliness. They really didn’t have any relationship whatsoever.
The point is that, by getting too excited about a promising dating prospect, you’re emotionally setting yourself up for heartbreak. When you choose to be devastated by a man who is NOT your boyfriend, what you’re really doing is holding onto the loss of your fantasy.
You’re not really mourning the loss of a guy you never had.
Until then, each promising man is not actually “real.” He is merely hope, potential and fantasy.
Remembering this will save you a TREMENDOUS amount of trouble when you’re dating online.
It’s that, if 9 times out of 10 (in real life), the special guy doesn’t turn out to be all that special, it may be smarter to reserve judgment for later.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating