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If or when the therapist tries to get the narcissistic person to reflect honestly on himself or his or her behavior, there is usually great resistance, excuse making, blame shifting, or termination of treatment.

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They may go to marriage counseling, but it is always their spouse’s lack of love, lack of support or lack of care that becomes the issue.

They often portray themselves as the victims of emotional abuse.

What I got was anger thrown at me A week later, I asked him to move out for a separation. I was still hoping that he could be rattled, that the Lord was trying to get through to him through these steps I was taking. I know that this isn’t ALL his fault, but at a certain point it does feel like the problems of abuse and self-centeredness need to be broken before any of the other issues can be addressed. I know you can’t tell me whether or not you think I should divorce from reading these few paragraphs, but I am wondering if you can speak more to the NPD factor and how long you think it takes for safety to return (referring to your series on “Can This Marriage Be Saved”).

It’s been a little over 3 months now and I am still not really seeing the key changes I would like to see, such as a sincerely apologetic heart, ownership over the harm he has done and even a willingness to let me be mad. I just don’t feel safe, but I don’t want to deny an opportunity for safety to grow.

For example, have you not respected a time-out when your husband is getting heated and wants to end the conversation for a period of time?

Or perhaps you’ve shamed and criticized him when he’s expressed his opinion or tried to disagree?From a purely secular point of view, NPD is one of the hardest disorders to treat primarily because the narcissist never sees himself as “the problem”.Therefore they rarely present themselves for treatment.If so, you can take responsibility for those things and work to change.Since you have a two year old child, the two of you must communicate around finances, issues regarding your son and visitation, and if you haven’t practiced safety in those interactions, then you can start there.When they say that they love you, what they mean is I love how you love me.

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