Dating sexy nude women

Gone are the days down the village pub where you'd get to know someone before getting naked with them.

Tinder has opened so many options [hey lads] while at the same time closing them.

Needless to say this hasn't gone to plan in anyway shape or form much to my annoyance.

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You remember the dodgy porn moves, the lack of true connection, the stink of a person that's slept on booze and fags breathing in your face, and the blatant awkwardness and disappointment.

You come to the conclusion that you had a lot of shit sex when you were drinking.

That realisation alone has put me off one night stands forever... I can't meet potential men via Tinder or bars anymore.

As Robbie Williams once said about childbirth, It's like watching your favourite pub burn down. And while it's enlightening, more wholesome and all that good stuff, I feel like I've lost my superpowers, like I'm superman without the flying bit.

Ones, who for them, drinking and doing drugs were an issue and who are constantly on the precipice of driving back down sauce street with you firmly in the passenger seat.

Or ones who have never drunk, even to moderation, which means they're pretty fucking boring.

It's funny how a few drinks can very quickly paper over the fact you have nothing in common, zero chemistry and that the only thing that is keeping the conversation going is the promise of being bought drinks and that someone else will pay for the cab back.

A drop of self loathing and a brisk morning walk is how some of us finish our Tinder dates, and now sobriety has come along and ruined the only exercise I took.

Most folk when they retire from something develop a new hobby, and I was counting on Tinder and my previous dating proclivities to see me through if I'm honest.

I was going to ' Russell Brand' my way through sobriety.

And I'm sorry, I no longer swallow on the first date.

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